


Lies

by sacredraisincakes



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 18:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11019435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sacredraisincakes/pseuds/sacredraisincakes
Summary: Sometimes accepting a lie is the only way to survive.





	Lies

 

Merlin settled himself comfortably in Arthur’s arms, fully sated after two rounds of lovemaking. Arthur's fingers danced along his naked back, and though it was far too soon to go again, Merlin could have sworn he felt Arthur's cock slowly hardening once more.

These were the best times. Not to say the sex wasn't great, because it most certainly was. Merlin's backside ached wonderfully from the worship Arthur lavished upon it time and time again. But this, laying side by side on Merlin's bed, sun streaming across Arthur's golden skin, Arthur's heart beating softly under his ear, this was what Merlin craved more than anything.

In a perfect world, Merlin would have tilted his head back, kissed Arthur's lips, and told him how much he loved him. In a perfect world, Arthur would have said it back. Then they would have fallen asleep in each other's arms without a care in the world.

But life was not perfect. Merlin knew this. He thought he had accepted it.

Just another way in which he was a fool.

The phone rang, and though Merlin flinched inwardly at the sound, Arthur reached over and answered it. “Hello, sweetheart.”

Merlin sat up, doing his best not to hunch his shoulders in defeat. He shook off Arthur's hand from his arm and walked over to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He was giving Arthur privacy, that was all. He wasn't running away. He wasn't smart enough for that.

He'd met Arthur four months ago, at his Uncle Gaius’s restaurant opening. The place had been packed, and Merlin, never the most graceful, had counted himself lucky to only spill scalding hot soup in one lap. Unfortunately- or fortunately, he still wasn't sure which- that lap had been Arthur Pendragon’s, who then proceeded to make a scene and demand Merlin's termination. Uncle Gaius had let him keep his job, but Arthur had come back week after week, night after night, to berate Merlin about his incompetence. And then to chat with him about their shared love of Battlestar Galactica. Or dalmatian puppies. Or how hot Arthur was when he smiled.

Well, that last one was just from Merlin's mouth, but it had been the beginning of the end. After that shift, he had pulled Arthur into the alley beside the restaurant and kissed him. And Arthur had kissed back, but only for a moment before pulling away to make a confession.

The subject of that confession was on the phone now. Gwen. Lovely, wonderful Gwen. Whom Merlin had met and adored and could never look in the eye again. Whom Arthur had been dating back then and was still dating now.

Merlin had meant to respect their relationship once he knew. He meant to back off, stop flirting with Arthur, find someone who was available and move on with his life. He was sure Arthur had meant to do that too. They held out a month before Arthur cornered him in that self same alley and things happened that were far less innocent than a small kiss. Things they could never take back. Things neither of them wanted to.

Since then Merlin felt himself falling deeper and deeper for the man who stole into his bed once or twice a week, whenever he could slip away from his girlfriend’s notice. He’d tried to stop it, tried to safeguard his heart from the inevitable ending, but Arthur was an unstoppable force. Merlin couldn't blame Gwen for loving him the way she did.

“Merlin?”

Merlin took a deep breath, trying to calm his thudding heart and dull the ache in his chest. It was no use. He opened the door to the bathroom to find Arthur buttoning his shirt, eyes scanning the room for other stray articles of clothing.

“I've got to go. Dinner will be ready in an hour.” They never spoke Gwen’s name if they could help it. Merlin did his best to pretend she didn't exist at all.

But she did exist.

“Stay.”

“I can't stay, Merlin.” Arthur found his belt under the bed and threaded it through the loops of his trousers. I already missed last night because I was working late. She'll kill me if I miss again. Besides, I already said I was on my way.”

“Arthur.” Merlin wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging himself for comfort and strength. He waited until Arthur's eyes met his. “Stay.”

Arthur dropped his socks on the bed, beckoning Merlin towards him. Merlin stayed where he was by the bathroom door. With a sigh Arthur stood and padded over to him, taking Merlin's face in his hands and kissing him lightly. “I want nothing more than to stay with you all night, Merlin. But I can't. You know that.”

“You could.” It wasn't an accusation. Merlin wasn't even that angry about it if he was honest with himself. And it was far past time for him to be honest with himself, and with Arthur. “You could stay if that's what you wanted. If I were what you wanted.”

Arthur looked stricken, gripping him tighter and shaking his head. His Arthur was no fool. He knew what Merlin was trying to say. “I can't leave her Merlin. I thought- You promised you wouldn't ask that of me.”

“I didn't realise that wasn't a promise I could make.” And maybe, just maybe, there was a part of him that had hoped he wouldn't have to ask it. But maybe he could keep one lie to himself. “Goodbye, Arthur.”

“Merlin, _please_ -”

Merlin wanted to change his mind, to kiss Arthur back and say he'd see him again tomorrow. He wanted to give an ultimatum, say if Arthur walked out that door he wouldn't be allowed to walk back in. But he couldn't do either. Really, deep down he'd known that from the start. “Goodbye.”

As the door closed behind Arthur's defeated form, Merlin wondered what would happen now. If Arthur would fight this, if he would show up at the restaurant again until Merlin agreed to take him back. He wondered if he would break up with Gwen. If he would ever tell her truth.

But it didn't matter. Merlin's heart could never let him in again.

Or maybe it was just one more lie he'd let himself believe.

 

 


End file.
